Adam-Lucy-Edmund, WTF
Apr. 28th, 2005 09:55 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
last_adamIn which Hat and Mir help me understand my own brain, and why it actually worked out the way it should have without that being the intention.
-analysis by Rami, Mir and Hat, but mostly Hat
Adam. Adam is Man's free will with an angel's power to miracle. He's the purest embodiment of doing what you want. And so he's been doing what he wants, or what he thinks he wants-- sex and anything to feel. So. He's free will. He is choice, with the raw power that his choice Is. So he's been with the sex and the hedonism and the Just Feeling Good Sensations. Which is like eating frosting. It's tasty! But it gets gross long before you get sick from it.
He's had no substance, no friendship, no loyalty or challenge. And because he is who he is, what he thinks, Is. So people didn't want him any other way until something happened. Aziraphael's become like his pseudo-father figure. He likes Aziraphael. Someone who cannot help but help, who cannot help but see the best in people. Aziraphael is virtue, without free will. Rules and boundaries and compassion and help and working for yourself and all the wholesome good things. And Adam has let himself like that. It's a nice BLT after all that frosting.
Edmund. Edmund is/was a Judas figure, but one redeemed in most eyes but his own. Edmund is strong, just, compassionate. Edmund has been guilty, and so he has advocated mercy. He knows what it is like to fall, and then to be helped to climb back up. He was once what was worst in man, as Adam has seen and believed himself to be-- but then was a warrior, a king. He could change. Edmund is Consequence, to Aziraphael's Virtue. But Edmund is also an example that the consequences of your actions do not have to destroy you. That there is something between Virtue with no free will and Free Will with only a smidge of Virtue.
Lucy. Virtue and Free Will. Conscience. She makes the Good and Right choices, and that is attractive because Adam can now see the point of it. Edmund is redemption. Proof that every fall is not a Fall. Lucy is the other side of that-- she's purity. Proof that you can see the temptation and not leap after it. She would think that perhaps there ARE apples that aren't worth the trouble it takes to get them. Lucy, perhaps, may be an aspiration for Adam-- not as a romantic object, but as a role model. He would like to choose wisely when it is something smaller than the world in the balance.
Adam is gay because Man is gay. But he's also straight, bisexual, polyamorous, asexual, and Adam hasn't taken the time to explore anything but the gay. Probably because somehow the boysex has the highest debauchery quotient, at least in popular image. He decided to Feel. To revel in sensation. And it's easier to leave a casual gay relationship than a casual het one. It's also easier to hate yourself if you are sexing and leaving and selling yourself AND it's what people around you would consider in a Dirty Way, on top of all the rest. A gigolo is amusing. Hhhhallo! But a rentboy is a filthy, pitiable figure. Attractive, but not in any healthy way. And Adam didn't want to be healthy. The things that are the most fun are never what is good for you, right? Right.
But now he wants to be Good. And here's Edmund, and here's Lucy, who both are Good, at least in other peoples' eyes, though neither would describe themselves that way. Edmund because he thinks he isn't, and Lucy because she just doesn't think about it.
Aziraphael would describe himself as good. But he doesn't have a choice, he was made that way. Edmund and Lucy are not Angels. They're Human. A man and a woman. And really, there's Edmund, who he meets and likes and is great because, hey, he's like Lucy and such, but a boy. Adam likes boys. He knows this. So while Aziraphael is an idealized figure, someone Adam could live up to if he Tried, in the miracling sense, Edmund and Lucy are figures that maybe he can live up to by just trying. Just him. Just by being Man.
I mean, he knew he liked Lucy, which was odd enough, because he doesn't like being around girls. But look at the situations he put himself in. Those girls? Were not what you'd call the best of women. But Lucy--well, she also reminds him of Edmund, of course. And he DOES like her, which is strange. And maybe he wouldn't have thought of her in a--romantic, sexual, whatever word you want, way, or wouldn't have let himself think about her that way, if she hasn't brought the subject up. Except, she did. And, well, she IS very nice and such, and she IS pretty, and he might as well kiss her, and--huh. It's not only not so bad, but he rather likes it. Which is strange. Because he doesn't like Girls. But he likes Lucy. And part of this is the attraction of what Edmund and Lucy are, and part of it is that Adam hasn't fully explored his sexual orientation. So, maybe, really, the thing is, he may as well not worry about liking girls or boys or both or more of one than the other with some exceptions, for now, and just go with liking Lucy and not think about things like gender, because he's got a hell of a lot else to worry about at the moment.
-analysis by Rami, Mir and Hat, but mostly Hat
Adam. Adam is Man's free will with an angel's power to miracle. He's the purest embodiment of doing what you want. And so he's been doing what he wants, or what he thinks he wants-- sex and anything to feel. So. He's free will. He is choice, with the raw power that his choice Is. So he's been with the sex and the hedonism and the Just Feeling Good Sensations. Which is like eating frosting. It's tasty! But it gets gross long before you get sick from it.
He's had no substance, no friendship, no loyalty or challenge. And because he is who he is, what he thinks, Is. So people didn't want him any other way until something happened. Aziraphael's become like his pseudo-father figure. He likes Aziraphael. Someone who cannot help but help, who cannot help but see the best in people. Aziraphael is virtue, without free will. Rules and boundaries and compassion and help and working for yourself and all the wholesome good things. And Adam has let himself like that. It's a nice BLT after all that frosting.
Edmund. Edmund is/was a Judas figure, but one redeemed in most eyes but his own. Edmund is strong, just, compassionate. Edmund has been guilty, and so he has advocated mercy. He knows what it is like to fall, and then to be helped to climb back up. He was once what was worst in man, as Adam has seen and believed himself to be-- but then was a warrior, a king. He could change. Edmund is Consequence, to Aziraphael's Virtue. But Edmund is also an example that the consequences of your actions do not have to destroy you. That there is something between Virtue with no free will and Free Will with only a smidge of Virtue.
Lucy. Virtue and Free Will. Conscience. She makes the Good and Right choices, and that is attractive because Adam can now see the point of it. Edmund is redemption. Proof that every fall is not a Fall. Lucy is the other side of that-- she's purity. Proof that you can see the temptation and not leap after it. She would think that perhaps there ARE apples that aren't worth the trouble it takes to get them. Lucy, perhaps, may be an aspiration for Adam-- not as a romantic object, but as a role model. He would like to choose wisely when it is something smaller than the world in the balance.
Adam is gay because Man is gay. But he's also straight, bisexual, polyamorous, asexual, and Adam hasn't taken the time to explore anything but the gay. Probably because somehow the boysex has the highest debauchery quotient, at least in popular image. He decided to Feel. To revel in sensation. And it's easier to leave a casual gay relationship than a casual het one. It's also easier to hate yourself if you are sexing and leaving and selling yourself AND it's what people around you would consider in a Dirty Way, on top of all the rest. A gigolo is amusing. Hhhhallo! But a rentboy is a filthy, pitiable figure. Attractive, but not in any healthy way. And Adam didn't want to be healthy. The things that are the most fun are never what is good for you, right? Right.
But now he wants to be Good. And here's Edmund, and here's Lucy, who both are Good, at least in other peoples' eyes, though neither would describe themselves that way. Edmund because he thinks he isn't, and Lucy because she just doesn't think about it.
Aziraphael would describe himself as good. But he doesn't have a choice, he was made that way. Edmund and Lucy are not Angels. They're Human. A man and a woman. And really, there's Edmund, who he meets and likes and is great because, hey, he's like Lucy and such, but a boy. Adam likes boys. He knows this. So while Aziraphael is an idealized figure, someone Adam could live up to if he Tried, in the miracling sense, Edmund and Lucy are figures that maybe he can live up to by just trying. Just him. Just by being Man.
I mean, he knew he liked Lucy, which was odd enough, because he doesn't like being around girls. But look at the situations he put himself in. Those girls? Were not what you'd call the best of women. But Lucy--well, she also reminds him of Edmund, of course. And he DOES like her, which is strange. And maybe he wouldn't have thought of her in a--romantic, sexual, whatever word you want, way, or wouldn't have let himself think about her that way, if she hasn't brought the subject up. Except, she did. And, well, she IS very nice and such, and she IS pretty, and he might as well kiss her, and--huh. It's not only not so bad, but he rather likes it. Which is strange. Because he doesn't like Girls. But he likes Lucy. And part of this is the attraction of what Edmund and Lucy are, and part of it is that Adam hasn't fully explored his sexual orientation. So, maybe, really, the thing is, he may as well not worry about liking girls or boys or both or more of one than the other with some exceptions, for now, and just go with liking Lucy and not think about things like gender, because he's got a hell of a lot else to worry about at the moment.
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no subject
Date: 2005-04-28 05:17 pm (UTC)Sorry, no LJ!
Date: 2005-04-30 12:01 pm (UTC)Um... I ALSO love this entire storyline. Love it. To a somewhat embarrassing degree.
But... I thought Lucy was Dead and Bound? Ish? How'd she get to Crowley's flat?? Or is it just, you know, Antichrist! Has Powers! Even as a bloody pulp!
Also, would we be right to think that Aziraphael couldn't get rid of Adam's scars (and possibly, that Lucy's cordial isn't currently healing him) because on some level Adam thinks he Deserves the Punishment?
Thank you again for the fabulous storytelling...
Re: Sorry, no LJ!
Date: 2005-05-01 04:51 am (UTC)We're having fun playing it.
Lucy is... well, that's not my story to tell. ;-)
Indeed, that wouldn't be wrong to think.
I'm glad you're enjoying it.
Re: Sorry, no LJ!
Date: 2005-05-01 04:53 am (UTC)There's a post from the mods, I believe, coming at some point to explain what being dead means--there are Restrictions on how the dead can interact in other worlds besides their own.