last_adam | (no subject)

(no subject)

*Adam's been up for a while, just watching her sleep. There's a kind of magic that comes with the early morning light, and he's afraid that if he moves, it'll shatter.*

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*She nods stiffly, the arm around his shoulders tightening.*

It's okay.

*It's not really, but she has no idea what to say. She's struggling against the tears and the jealousy, and so far winning.*

I- You don't have to say that, Adam. I saw it.

He's not me. I'm not him. But I love you. And if you want to talk about anything, you know I'll listen, right?

*Eyeing the single wobbly chair provided, Adam wraps his arms around Alanna and slides the both of them to the floor, trying - and mostly succeeding - to land her in his lap.*

Talking, right. Talking is good.

*He's mostly trying to reassure himself.*

Last night, I thought-

I thought maybe if you didn't want me, he could-

*Adam trails off, not detailing what Thom could do; both he and Alanna know it well.*

Or maybe I could be like I was.

But I can't.

And I know that's not what you said and it's not what you meant, but it's what I thought.

Oh, Adam.

*Squeezing her eyes shut, she buries her face in his throat and shivers.*

I'm sorry I couldn't get the right words out. I'm sorry if you ever thought I didn't want you.

But I'm not sorry you aren't like you used to be. I'm not sorry that you're the wonderful person you are.

*She sniffs, losing the battle.*

*He wraps his arms around her, laying kisses on her head, cheek, nose, neck, mouth, anywhere he can get, using his hands to wipe away her tears.*

I love you.

*Alanna takes a deep breath. She feels like if she doesn't say it, it will slowly choke her to death.*

I won't lie and say it didn't hurt. I've been so torn up over Thom and not being enough for him. Ever. And then that... It hurt. And I thought maybe I wasn't enough for you either.

But I stayed, I'm still here, and I'm not going anywhere. And I do trust you.

I love you, Adam.

I also think we should buy the purple dress.

I love you.

You're all I need. But I do need you.

*He brings a finger up to smooth along her cheek.*

I never want to hurt you. I think-

I think Thom was afraid I might anyway.

*He shrugs, not quite sure why that came to mind, but it feels true enough. Eventually he smiles and starts to help her up.*

The purple dress it is.

*Snagging his hand in both of hers, she kisses his palm.*

You have me, Adam.

*Thinking about Thom, she nods slowly and stands.*

Maybe that black one too. Where else do you need to go?

*Her heartbeat approaches something resembling normal. Hunting up her clothes, she slowly pulls the skirt back on and fastens it, her fingers feeling oddly clumsy.*

*He helps her find her top, and put that on, smiling with a bravado that he almost feels.*

Nowhere much. I was going to pick up a few presents, but-

*he winks*

-that may have to wait for another trip.

*Alanna bites her lip and nods, gathering the dresses.*

Okay. I- I have presents to get too, but I can wait. Besides, we might be escorted from the building any moment now. Defying convention and all that.

*She smiles and squeezes his hand, opening the door with the other.*

*They walk out of the dressing room, hand in hand, but strangely enough, nobody seems to notice anything out of the ordinary.*

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