last_adam | (no subject)

(no subject)

*They're sweaty, they're tired, and there are plenty of bruises to go around. But once they've settled and caught their breaths, it seems that they're a little less stressed.

Seems, anyway.

Adam leans back against the sofa, wrapping an arm around Alanna's shoulder.*

Did it help any?

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I'm not.

*Lifting herself up on her elbow, she gives him a small smile.*

Any other thoughts as to why?

I don't know. I don't know why it didn't scare the crap out of me. Even when we were there. And we've been back, and it just feels-

different. Everything seems so different.

Fear is tricky. But don't be upset for not being afraid. *Brow furrowed, she gently rubs the back of her hand against his cheek.* Different? Yes, it does. All of it. I think it's supposed to, however.

Not you.

*He smiles, and kisses her.*

Just- the place. The people. Since mid-winter, even.

Aye.

*Alanna agrees before she really processes that she speaks the truth.*

I've been anxious. *long pause* I've felt more than a little outside of things here since Thom and I had our troubles. Well, with all except a select few people.

*Adam closes his eyes slowly, opening them to look into hers.*

I want to go back.

*Alanna's eyes widen a bit as she bites her lip, returning his gaze in awe.*

Really?

*He nods, closing his eyes again.*

It felt so-

and now here it's so-

I don't know. Maybe it's wanting to run away. But I can't think of anything I'd be running from.

*Closing her own eyes, Alanna argues with herself for a moment before she blurts out what she's thinking.*

Maybe it would be running to something.

*Heart pounding in his throat, he squeezes her tight.*

Only if you were there.

*She leans over to kiss his forehead and nose, smiling.*

I love you. And I think I'd have to be with you so you could get there to begin with.

*Adam laughs, and curls around her a bit protectively.*

Do you ever think about that?

*An odd, faraway look in her eye, Alanna nods slowly.*

I've thought of little else in my free time since we returned. Just before I fall asleep, and just after I wake up, I think of you and home.

I- It's nice.

Home.

*Adam nods, and bites his lip quickly.*

*Alanna studies him for a long moment, finally kissing his cheek.*

Yes, home.

Adam? It's okay to want one.

*Adam opens his mouth to speak, but then doesn't, instead laying his head on her shoulder.*

*Alanna hugs him close and bites her lip. She has a vague idea of what he's feeling, but doesn't know quite what to say.*

You had a home, but it wasn't the home you thought it was. Maybe that's what you've been wanting all this time. A home with people who are who you think they are, who love you for you and don't care about your parentage because it just doesn't matter.

I'm not saying this right.

*He reaches out, twining his fingers in hers, and squeezes.*

I don't really think I'd been somewhere that felt like home.

I've considered lots of places home. Trebond when Thom was there, Corus, the desert... but I've always had the sensation that I wasn't done searching yet.

*She kisses him on the lips, lightly and with an unspoken promise.*

I don't feel that way now.

*He props himself up on his elbow so that he can lean over and kiss her, holding her.*

You... a home... what's next, a future?

*He says this jokingly, but his laugh is forced.*

I love you. And as long as you want to stay here, I will too.

*There's an unspoken "but" in his words.*

I think a future is inevitable at this point.

*She smiles, running her fingers through his hair.*

You don't want to stay here, Adam?

*For all that they've been discussing Tortall and homes and the future, she looks a bit puzzled.*

Yes.

No.

I don't know. I-

It's just so different. And some days-

I know. Some days?

*She prompts, squeezing his hand and running her thumb over the mark on his wrist.*

Some days, friends and all, it feels like the only reason I'm here is you.

*Alanna exhales slowly, her eyes wide. She can't quite say the same, what with the oath she made Thom and her duty. But she feels her stomach does an odd little flip as she nods, kissing him again.*

And where would you rather be?

*She holds her breath.*

Wherever you are.

*It's the quick answer. It's the easy answer. But it's not what she meant, and he knows it.*

*Alanna wrinkles her nose at him.*

That is sweet, but I think you are still hiding something.

*She sighs and nudges his head aside, kissing him just under his ear.*

But that's okay.

You know what my answer would be.

*At least he thinks she does.*

I think I do. And when you're ready to say it, just know that I'll grin and kiss you senseless.

*She nods firmly and flops down beside him, scarcely able to believe they are really having this conversation.

And that it feels right.*

*Adam can hardly believe it himself, and he grins as he kisses her.*
You make me want to be a better man.
You're the best thing that's ever happened to me.

*Holding her breath, she beams, her hands stroking up and down his back as if she can't stop touching him.*
But you're the best man for me, just as you are.
Really? Even better than coffee or cider? *She teases, but the absolute certainty she feels about her next words make her eyes go bright with emotion.* And you, Adam? You're definitely the best thing that's ever happened to me.

*And if Adam's eyes shine a bit, he's not one to mention it.*

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