(no subject)

[last_adam]

*Adam's by the lake. He doesn't seem to notice he's sitting in the snow, and if he notices, he doesn't care. He's halfheartedly skipping stones across the water, not waiting to see if they sink or skip. His cheeks are wet, and his arms are pulled up around his knees. Which could account for the bad luck in skipping.

Or maybe that's something else altogether.

There's some voice in the back of his head, saying it's been too long, it's too cold, he should go back, but it's too comfortable, sitting here like this.*

Comments

[the_lioness]

*Alanna is tired. So tired, in fact, that she is reminded of her first week at the palace. Trudging through the snow, she pauses for a moment to watch Adam and feels her eyes fill up.

What had happened? Nothing makes much sense at the moment.

Moving closer, she gently drapes a blanket around his shoulders and slips, landing beside him with far less grace than she would have liked. Cursing, she checks the thermos, sighs and hands it to him.*

All I know is that I jump when I'm told to, and I have no free time.

*She laughs a little and buries her face in her hands.* I'm sorry.

[last_adam]

*Adam shrugs, and doesn't notice her handing the thermos over. It falls to the ground.*

You've got nothing to be sorry for.

[the_lioness]

*She lifts her head and blinks at the thermos.* I think I do. Adam, you're freezing. *Worried, she scoots closer and wrap an arm around his waist.*

[last_adam]

*His voice is as biting as the cold.*

What the fuck do you think you could possibly have to be sorry for? Don't be ridiculous.

[the_lioness]

*Her arm falls from around his waist, and she pulls it back to her lap, staring at the way her fingernails are slowly turning blue. After a moment, she leans into him.*

I wish he'd give us a chance.

I wish he'd listen to me. Find out I'm not a wretched person.

Hey...

*Looking up at his face, she frowns and leans forward to kiss his cheek.*

[last_adam]

*He feels her arm fall and wants to reach for it, but his own arms feel so heavy.*

I just don't know what went wrong.

*It could be he's talking about Aziraphael.*

[the_lioness]

With?

*She needs clarification. Biting her lip worriedly, she grabs one of his hands and rubs it.*

[last_adam]

I don't know why Aziraphael acted that way.


*A long pause, and Adam continues his thought.*

Talked to Thom.

[the_lioness]

He didn't even look at me most of the time. He only addressed you, did you notice? I was just she, like I wasn't standing right in front of his nose.

I don't know. I don't know why he has such a problem with me.

Maybe-

*She shakes herself, pulling her knees closer and resting her chin on them.*

Oh. *hopefully* Did he mention the letter at all?

[last_adam]

No.

[the_lioness]

Oh.

*She pulls her knees closer and curls in, telling herself it's a reaction to the brisk winter wind.*

[last_adam]

M'not sorry for anything I said to him, Alanna.

*Probably good to get that out up front.*

[the_lioness]

I wouldn't expect you to be.

I'm not sorry for anything I said to Aziraphael. I'm sorry my temper started to get the better of me, but I didn't say anything wrong.

What did you say?

[last_adam]

*He reaches down, placing a hand on her back.*

No, you didn't.

*Adam closes his eyes, going over last night again, the heat, the anger, the look in Thom's eyes.*

Told him that you and I love each other. That we're happy. That-

that I like him, but if he

*keeps*

is hurting you...

*He lets his voice drop off.*

[the_lioness]

*Licking her lips and immediately regretting it as another cold blast hits her face, Alanna sniffs. She pulls herself upright, eyes cautious as she looks at him.*

I think that this time, we hurt him.

[last_adam]

Maybe.

*Given the conversation last night, Adam's not so sure. With Thom, it's so hard to tell.*

Even so, that doesn't make what he did any better.

[the_lioness]

Which part? *It's a valid question. He's done rather a lot.*

[last_adam]

*Which really only goes to back up Adam's original point, if you think about it.*

In this instance, his reaction to us talking to him.

[the_lioness]

*It really does. Alanna chooses not to think about that for the moment. She merely nods.*

It could have been worse?

*To her, the Aziraphael incident was far worse. She's used to Thom.*

[last_adam]

*He looks at her levelly.*

It has been.

[the_lioness]

*Swallowing hard, she nods and blinks back tears.*

I know. And we've no guarantee it won't be again. Sometimes I wonder if he can even help himself.

[last_adam]

*Adam leans forward to rest his head on her shoulder, wrapping his arm around her.*

He needed to know where I stand.

[the_lioness]

*Trying to comfort him in turn, she wraps her arms around him, pulling the blanket closer.*

Of course. There's nothing wrong with that.

It doesn't matter which way I turn. Everything I do is wrong in his eyes, I suspect. I don't know what he wants.

[last_adam]

*Adam shrugs, because he has an idea about what Thom wants.*

I'm sorry Aziraphael was so-





I'm sorry.

[the_lioness]

You've got nothing to be sorry for. Don't be ridiculous.

*She repeats his words back to him with a small smile and looks toward the lake.*

I suppose I made an even worse impression than I thought. Maybe-

Maybe it's because I'm not from Earth. Or that I'm a knight. Some people would find it noble. Others? Others see only the killing.

*She shrugs, trying not to let it get to her. And failing.*

[last_adam]

I don't think it was that. I think it was-



*There's a long silence.*

I don't know what it was. If he'd yelled, maybe.

[the_lioness]

Perhaps you should try talking to him alone. At the shop?

*She swallows.*

I could ask Tonks for advice. I don't think she'd yell at me. Much.

[last_adam]

*Adam nods, unsure himself. He knows he shouldn't let it get to him. He knew Aziraphael would be upset. But what he couldn't have prepared himself for was the-




cold.*

I guess.

[the_lioness]

It hurts.

*Blinking, she tries to get closer.*

[last_adam]

*Adam nods, biting his lip. Crying is okay, sometimes. When you're by yourself, out in the cold. But it hurts him to think of doing it here, now.*

[the_lioness]

*Alanna is nothing if not persistent. She worms her way into his lap and kisses him soothingly, pressing her cold nose against his neck.*

It's okay, Adam. It's just me, and I love you, and I'm sorry. We'll go to Olau soon, all right? Safe from all of this, at least for a while.

[last_adam]

*Adam closes his eyes, giving in as he pulls himself around her.*

He's-

he was-

[the_lioness]

*She simply strokes his hair and nods, not wanting to push him. He'll get it out eventually.*

[last_adam]

What if I've fucked it up for good this time?

[the_lioness]

*Alanna winces, wanting to blurt out that if it's fucked up, she's to blame.*

You didn't fuck it up. Well, we didn't handle things right, perhaps. But our intentions were good. And if it is fucked up? Then it's his loss, Adam. If he can't see how much he means and how important... *She trails off, squeezing her eyes shut.* I have to believe that time will help.

[last_adam]

And in the meantime?

[the_lioness]

In the meantime, you have me. And always will. *She scowls at the bar over his shoulder.* Just give it time.

[last_adam]

*Adam nods, and holds her tight.*

I am sorry.

[the_lioness]

*Shivering, she tucks the blanket around them and nods, holding on to him for dear life.*

As am I, Adam. As am I.