last_adam | (no subject)

(no subject)

*Adam lays on Alanna's bed, in the dark, in the silence. Hands folded behind his bed, he stares at the ceiling, listening to time pass.

...it is a controllable thing, but it is never gone...

Hours flow into minutes flow into seconds, and still she's not back, and he's left alone

in the dark

with his thoughts. He likes the dark, really, he craves it. But the dark is a breeding place for those

...parts of you that you have no control over...

creatures that would devour you whole.*

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I-

*He takes a deep breath, and starts to explain. About God, about the angels. About Lucifer and his fall. As much as he can remember, and as much as he knows from this place.*

...and I am, well. The destroyer of worlds. I bring about the apocalypse. Was supposed to, anyway. Did, in fact.

*Alanna slowly moves back down so that she can watch his face closely. Eyes wide, she listens. When he finishes, she squeezes his hand and tries to to come up with something to say that doesn't sound completely inane.*

A difficult burden to bear the likes of which I can not begin to understand. But I suspect you are that much stronger for it, and I... *She gives him a small smile.* I think maybe you don't see what you've become.

*Still mostly inane. Blushing, she gives him a small smile.*

You did? But... how? If everything remains as it does in your world...

*Hastily*

I stopped it, as well. But not before-

it was close.

But you stopped it. *Alanna's smile is suddenly very bright indeed.* You stood up to what your very marrow told you to do. Yes?

*A pause, and she's petting him again.*

Yes, you are stronger than you think. And not nearly as awful. Rather nice, actually. I'd almost go so far as to say... a good man at heart, who has made very, very difficult decisions.

It is not what you almost do, Adam, that counts. It's what you DO do.

*She kisses his forehead.* What did Raven say to call forth this doubt?

*He laughs a bit, unhappily*

We were joking, actually. About destroying the bar. Not really a joke, I know, but. And it's not, it isn't-

I know. I know that I made the choice. And I

*think*

know I could make it again. It's- the feeling. the knowing, the seeing. It's what happens before. and always.

*Alanna rolls over on her back, reaching down for his hand and squeezing it gently. Staring at the ceiling, she suddenly wishes they were anywhere but here. In the desert, staring at the stars, in London listening to the sounds of what people refer to as "modern life" - even on the Pearl. Just somewhere else, where not everything feels like a life or death situation.*

You would make it again. *Stubborn to the bone, she refuses to believe anything else, despite tonight's events.*

Destiny. It's wondering if you can escape your destiny. Or... alter it somehow. But what is written in history books or visions... *She shakes her head.* It's what's in his book that matters. And even then... I can not believe that choice means nothing.

*Wrinkling her nose, she turns to look at him.*

Tell me about the feeling and the knowing? The seeing?

I don't know that I can.

*He's not being stubborns, not trying to, at least, he's just not sure how.*

Okay, Adam.

*She brushes his hair back and smiles.*

You know I'm here if you need me, right? I might understand more than you think I do.

Gods do not always know how everything will turn out. They place more stock in human choice than you might expect. The Goddess once said to me that she could only do so much. The rest of my days are what I make of them.

*Alanna blinks.*

"The coronation is a crossroad in Time. Bend it to your will, if you have the courage." Those were her words. You faced your own crossroad in time. I wonder whether I handled mine correctly every day and every night. It does not surprise me that yours weighs heavily on your mind too. What came of it. What it means. Who it makes you now.

*Adam nods, and sighs.*

I know.

*and yawns*

I hope so.

*She squeezes his hand, sighing at the inadequacy of her words. It made sense to her. In a way. As much as the Goddess ever made sense to anyone.

I failed to live up to my oath today.

Closing her eyes, she struggles to ignore the lone tear that escapes.*

Go to sleep. Perhaps things will look better tomorrow.

Perhaps.

*He leans over, then, and dries off the tear with a kiss.*

One can only hope.

*She smiles at the kiss and turns over on her side, away from him. But she doesn't let go of his hand.*

*He squeezes her hand and spoons up behind her, draping his arm over her side.*

You going to be okay?

*No.

No, I'm not. Nothing is okay. I've mucked everything up.

I should tell Jon. He doesn't deserve this.

Biting her lip, she nods.*

Should be. You?

As well as anybody ever is.

*And he shifts to get his arms around her, pulling her back and close to him.*

*She smiles, leaning back against him and settling down a bit. A few more tears escape, but she's very quiet about it all. Practice.*

Good night, Adam. I'm sorry... I wish I knew what to say.

I wish I did.

*He hears them nonetheless, and squeezes her.*

*Alanna nods. He's there, and that's enough. She covers his arm with hers, thinking. Her eyes drift shut, but it's a long time before she falls asleep.*

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