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[last_adam]

*Adam tries to be very quiet when he returns to the room, bearing an oversized mug of coffee. He slides over to the bed and sets the mug on the table, leaning over to place his head in his hands.*

Comments

[the_lioness]

Headache?

*Given that the blanket is pulled up to her nose, Alanna's voice is slightly muffled. She has been awake for about ten minutes, and managed to make it to the bathroom to brush her teeth, change and untangle her hair. The chill got to her again, so she hopped back in bed and has just been thinking.

Adam is worrying her rather a lot.*

I highly recommend the aspirin.

[last_adam]

*It's a moment before he realizes that she's spoken, and another before he realizes what she's talking about.*

Hrm? Oh, for-

no, I don't have a headache.

[the_lioness]

Oh.

*That's not good. Alanna sits up, tucking the covers around her waist and folding her hands in her lap with forced calm. She eyes him, concern evident on her face.*

What's wrong? Did you see someone out there...?

[last_adam]

What? No. I just-

*Didn't sleep? He's not going to tell her that, she'll just worry about him more.*

needed a pick-me-up.

[the_lioness]

*Picking at her sleeve, she glances toward the coffee and tries not to get anxious.*

May I please have a sip?

*It's an oddly formal request for her.*

[last_adam]

*He hands her over the coffee and scoots closer.*

It's a bit cold.

[the_lioness]

That's alright.

*She stares at the coffee with a slightly morose expression. Normally, she could fix the temperature. After a quick sip that unexpectedly becomes a gulp, she hands it back, curling her fingers in once her hands are free.*

How long were you gone?

[last_adam]

Not very long. An hour or so.

*That one's true. As much as he dreaded coming back to find her awake, he didn't want to leave her alone.*

[the_lioness]

*Supremely uncomfortable now, Alanna leans her head back and fidgets.*

Adam...

You know you do not have to stay with me, correct?

[last_adam]

*He doesn't roll his eyes. He does NOT roll his eyes.


Okay, well, maybe a little.*

I know that I don't have to stay with you. Where else do you think I'd be, though?

[the_lioness]

*Alanna wrinkles her nose.*

I simply meant that I'm not exactly the most fun right now, and if you want to go sit out in the bar for a good long time, I'd certainly not be upset. I don't...

*She sighs.*

Something is wrong, and I can tell. I just don't want it to be me.

[last_adam]

*He waits.

He debates.

He sighs.*



It's not.

[the_lioness]

Okay.

*She doesn't look terribly convinced.*

But there is something?

[last_adam]

*He shrugs. Rolls onto his back, and stares at the ceiling.*

Why haven't you pushed me?

*He doesn't really feel like he needs to elaborate on what.*

[the_lioness]

*Alanna's stomach flips in an entirely unpleasant way.*

A variety of reasons. *She laces her fingers together, steeling herself and trying to ignore the way her breath catches in her throat.* I trust you. I know... what Thom can be like. *pause* And I'm more than a little nervous that if I do, I'll get distracted from my task, and others would suffer for it.

[last_adam]

*Still facing upwards he closes his eyes, and speaks softly.*

Don't want you to suffer.

[the_lioness]

I don't want you to suffer either, and you are.

*Certain of it now, she runs her hand over his hair once and sits back again, afraid to touch him for very long lest she fall apart. *

I don't want anyone to hurt.




Usually, I find it best just to blurt it out.

[last_adam]

*Adam's not really very good at the blurting. Except for when he is, and then it's terrible. So he takes a few deep breaths, and turns towards her, not opening his eyes.*

Thom-

*He stops. This was a bad idea.*

[the_lioness]

*Several possibilities flit through Alanna's mind as she holds her breath and watches him.*

Did he - know about all of this? Ahead of time?

*She blinks.*

Did he know about you three and the box?

[last_adam]

I don't think-


he didn't mention the box, no.

*Yes, he's still hesitating.*

[the_lioness]

Well.

That's something then. What did he mention?

*She remains stiff, eyes unfocused.*

[last_adam]

*Adam gathers his breath. He wants to grab her hand, but settles for now for clenching his own.*

He... knew about your gift.








From Roger.


*There's another awkward pause as he tries to figure out how to say it.*

He knows why. and what.

[the_lioness]

*Alanna quickly turns her head, letting her hair fall down to hide her face. She doesn't breathe for a long moment.*

He... He knows? But why didn't he tell me? No...

*Blinking back tears, she finally manages a deep breath, suspecting it's about to get a lot worse. Her nails bite into her palms as she recalls something Thom said once.

I knew he knew things he wasn't telling me, but he was pretending to help and I thought, well, that's enough for now, isn't it?

She nearly chokes, praying she meant more to him than that.*

Did he tell you that part too?

[last_adam]

*Adam nods, though his eyes are closed and so can't tell if Alanna sees or not.*


Roger-

*Telling can't be worse than not telling, right? Like a bandaid.*


Roger wants to go back. He needs your gift, to do that.

*Adam leaves it, though there's a hanging and.*

[the_lioness]

Go back...

*Alanna turns sheet white. Rocking a little, she puzzles this through. He can't mean go to Tortall now. He would be as good as dead. Again.

Think like Roger, Alanna. He who claimed to travel through time and space, places others can not imagine...*

He's going to go back to Corus then. But why would he need my Gift? Honestly, others would...

*Then it hits her. Blood and silver, ancient magic and Roger's Gate of Idramm.

Didn't you know, Roger? I'm Giftless.There's nothing for your Gate to take from me.*

He's going to use my own magic to kill me. And I gave it to him. Mithros, I am such a fool. He'll destroy Tortall, Jon, my friends... and it will all be my fault.

*Breath quickening, she draws her knees up as the rest of the implications start to sink in.*

[last_adam]

*Adam doesn't say anything as the realizations wash across her face, but manages to move over and wrap his arms around her shoulders. No mention of the rest.


Not yet.*

[the_lioness]

It's because I killed him.

I won't let him do this. I'll stop him somehow, I swear it, no matter what.

*There's a decidedly sharp edge to her voice. She swallows, and abruptly can no longer avoid thinking about Thom.*

I take it... that Thom...

*She chokes and hugs her knees, burying her face in them. Muttering something that might sound like wasn't going to say anything, she tries to fold in on herself and hide from the truth.*

[last_adam]

He-

*Adam stops again, and tries to pull Alanna into his arms.*

[the_lioness]

*She shakes her head, wanting to cry, to rage... something. But all she can do is wonder why it hurts to breathe. Eventually, she leans on him a little.

Some wounds cut too deep for immediate tears.*

I just don't understand.

[last_adam]

*He runs his hand in circles along her lower back.*



Roger wants him to go with him.

[the_lioness]

I see.

*She does. Nostrils flaring, she makes an odd sound deep in her throat and turns into his arms, clinging. It doesn't really matter if Thom said yes or not. The fact that he didn't immediately come find her and explain says it all in her mind.*

Do you know... all he said he ever wanted from me was love. Love, and for me not to leave him again. I swore an oath to him that I wouldn't. Swore that my love for him had never come with conditions. He's my twin brother and my only family. It was hard, but Goddess, I managed to get past what he'd done.

But I've already proven myself a fool, haven't I?

And now HE might leave. With HIM. And where does that leave me? Why wasn't the fact that I loved him ever enough?

*Scowling, she swipes at her eyes. Not crying. Nope.*

[last_adam]

*Adam holds her closer and leans down to wipe away the tears, pulling her hand softly away and kissing her cheek.*


It'll be okay.



*If he says it to her, maybe he can make himself believe it.*

[the_lioness]

*She is having a very hard time imagining how, so she just nods and hugs him close, biting the inside of her cheek.*

If I die there, what happens to me here? Do I just... fade? Will I ever have really been here at all?

It makes my head hurt.

*She breathes, misery settling deep in her stomach, but outwardly she starts to gain control. Still, that numbness is back.*

[last_adam]

I don't know.

*He starts to rock back and forth, gently.*

Won't let it happen.

*Can't.*

[the_lioness]

*Rubbing her cheek against his shoulder, she stays quiet for a few minutes, trying to make sense of any of this.

One thing still makes sense, and without it, she'd be wrecked.

Lifting her head, she turns his and kisses him. It's no ordinary kiss, that's for certain.*

[last_adam]

*Adam holds on to her, kissing her like she's already gone. His fingers scrabble and clutch at her arms, and he pulls her close, trying to swallow her whole.*

[the_lioness]

*It's a long time before they part, and when they do, Alanna rains kisses on his forehead, nose and jaw, drifting helplessly back to his mouth. She smooths his hair back and looks him in the eyes, determination written across her face.*

I'm not going to die. I absolutely bloody refuse. He's just a man. A dead one at that, and we can beat him.

I love you, Adam.

I'm so sorry. This is all... you shouldn't...

*She kisses him again, not sure she plans on stopping for a while.*

[last_adam]

I love you, too.


It's you. We'll-


*sigh*

I don't know what. But something.

*He lets her kiss him, and he kisses back, finally feeling right with her, at least.*

Love you. Stay- will you still, stay away from him? Them?

[the_lioness]

Skewering him sounds rather nice.

*At his request, she swallows hard and looks up. Finally, she nods.*

Aye. I've nothing to say to either of them until I get that box. *Her eyes twitches.* And then... well. Then we go from there.

[last_adam]

*He nods, and squeezes her-


and yawns.*

[the_lioness]

*Alanna brushes her lips against his one last time and pulls back, burrowing her way under the covers, hoping he will do the same.*

You've some sleep to make up.

[last_adam]

*He does, following her warmth through the sheets until he's wrapped up completely, Alanna at his side.*

Three nights. Hadda watch.

[the_lioness]

My turn.

*Alanna kisses his forehead and lightly runs her fingers through his hair, settling down.

She has much to think about.*

[last_adam]

*Adam curls under her touch, eyes falling shut and breath slowing.*

Love you.

But by the time the second word is out, he's asleep.

[the_lioness]

Love you, too.

*She curls up beside him, eyes focused on his face.

No, she has no intention of dying.

Thom.

She'll think about Thom tomorrow and hope this great big aching emptiness goes away.*